SunDay FunDay: School Ground Parodies

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Do you ever have those moments where you suddenly wake up with a song stuck in your head that you haven’t sung, listened to, or been exposed to in years? I’m talking decades, here!

Well… this morning I woke up with a parody of the working song the Seven Dwarves sing in Disney’s Snow White, which you’ll remember going something like this:

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho,

It’s off to work we go…

You’d think this is the variation of the tune I woke up to but, alas, buried in the depths of my brain was a variation I recall from grade school, back when I lived in the little North Georgia town of Acworth. This snarky version goes like this, sung to the same tune as the Snow White version, of course:

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho,

It’s off to school we go,

With razor blades and hand grenades,

Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho

Heigh ho, Heigh ho,

The teacher bit my toe,

I bit her back, that dirty rat

Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho

Heigh Ho, Heigh ho,

It’s home from school we go,

With razor cuts and blown up butts,

Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho

Heigh Ho!

Amazing that I recalled the lyrics in such great detail! Regardless, it begged the question, “Where on earth did I hear that from?” and also, “How many people know this version?” and yet also, “How many other horrific parodies are there?” Because, of course, we all remember “Batman smells” when singing the Christmas classic Jingle Bells.

The best I could remember of hearing this spin on the classic tune was from my brother’s Boy Scout Troop while camping one year. (Lucky girl, I got to be in Girl Scouts and reap the benefits of the Boy Scouts, too.) In fact, I think I learned a lot of them from my brother, which made me wonder who else I might know that knew this version, and what other parody songs we could recall from our childhood.

First, I asked my husband (who grew up in different parts of the country as a military brat). At first, he didn’t know what I was talking about, but when I began to sing the song he said, “Oh yeah.” (No exclamation point, he’s a pretty laid back guy… anyone who knows him will laugh at the missing exclamation point as they’ll be reading it in his voice.)

At that moment, I decided I needed to try to recall all of the strange, mean, weird, and downright horrific parodies I could think of without bringing in help. Let’s face it, it’s good to give your brain a nice memory work out from time to time. Of course, the first thing I remembered was “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” which goes a little something like this:

Jingle bells, Batman smells,

Robin laid an egg,

Batmobile lost a wheel,

and Joker got away,

HEY!

Of course, there are other variations on the lyrics, but I won’t delve in too deep. Being the curious type, I set about doing some research and found that Cracked.com had already “cracked” the case, finding “Batman Smells” in the tune dating back to the 1960’s! Which leads me to believe it was born around the same time the Adam West Batman was brought to live on television.

Once I’d jotted down this version, easily done from memory, I recalled another Christmas Carol turned savage with “Deck The Halls… With Gasoline”… Yes… you read that right. As soon as I recalled this one, I began singing it immediately, to my husband’s chagrin. See the lyrics from my memory below:

Deck the halls with gasoline,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch the school burn down in ashes,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Aren’t you glad you played with matches?
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

In my internet travels, I quickly discovered that there was a second verse I’d never learned.

Deck the halls with dynamite,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Press the plunger, see the lights,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Now your school’s a bunch of rubble,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Aren’t you glad you stirred up trouble?
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

I even went on YouTube and found a fantastic rendition for you to enjoy with your loved ones, here.

After a good L O L, (seriously, I laughed out loud, guys, I’m basically a twelve-year-old trapped in a thirty-something’s body. Anyway, after a good giggle, I wracked my brain for any other parody tunes I could remember about school violence (because it does seem to be a running theme, here). I seemed to recall singing something to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, but no matter how I tried, all I could recite was the first line, ‘My eyes have seen the glory in the burning of the school...’ I gave it like ten minutes before giving up and searching for the lyrics, which I quickly found in many variations and sources. Here’s the version I knew as a child:

My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of our school,
We have tortured every teacher,
We have broken all the rules,
We shot the secretary and we hung the principal,
We just keep marching on!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah,
Teacher hit me with a rule-ah, (Boston accent?)
I slapped her in the butt,
With a rotten coconut,
Now my teacher ain’t my teacher anymore.

Here’s where things got really bad. My mind suddenly burst forth a true gem, that classic song about something no one likes but everyone gets: (sing to the tune of Wooly Bully)

When you’re ridin’ in a chevy and you’re feelin’ somethin’ heavy

and you’re feelin’ somethin’ heavy

diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’re climbin’ up a ladder,

and you hear somethin’ splatter,

diarrhea, diarrhea.

When you’ve been out boating,

and you see somethin’ floating,

(you know the rest)

That’s all I could pull from memory, but really… it’s probably more than I needed to remember. However, I was really curious about the origin of this particular parody song, so I did a little research… after looking up the version I heard in Parenthood as a child.

In my webspace adventures, which caused many-a-tangent, I was unable to discover the true origin of this truly awful song that surely you must all remember from childhood. However, I did discover that people seem to know the song going back to the 1970’s, and it is known all over… the US, Canada, England, Ireland, and Scotland… This song has legs, it’s known everywhere! It also seems to have an infinite number of verses because people have continued adding to it for decades, I know my brother and I did around age eight and ten.

I could go on with the various parody tunes I learned in school, at camp, and through the grapevine.  Instead, let’s hear the ones you remember! Comment away and let’s compare notes!

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One thought on “SunDay FunDay: School Ground Parodies

  1. Also to the tune of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”, and via my memories from Girl Scout Camp in the Berkshires:
    I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it’s hot.
    I wear my pink pajamas in the winter when it’s not.
    Sometimes in the springtime, and sometimes in the fall,
    I jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!
    Oh! Glory glory hallelujah!
    Glory, glory what’s it to ya?
    Bonnie breezes blowing through ya,
    With nothing on at all!

    Like

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