Apocalypse Manifesto

by  Frankenstein Jones

cool-zombie-silhouette-clipart-d3kyzj-clipart I want to talk about the Apocalypse and I want to start by asking why nobody’s talking about it.  First, let me say that what I mean when I say “The Apocalypse” is the Zombie Apocalypse.  I’m not kidding.  Maybe people are going to say that it’s just something on TV or in the movies, but I want to ask: how many movies? How many TV shows? It’s everywhere—in books and comics and flash mobs and costume contests, and it just goes on and on.  All that must be coming from somewhere; it’s the zeitgeist, the collective unconscious.

And in most of those stories, the cause is never explained.  We’re afraid to ask that question because that will make it real.  The more times we see and hear the story, the more we deny it.  People want to pretend that it’s just a story when they should be figuring out what’s going to cause it and getting ready.  The religious may think it’s the Rapture.  It could be terrorism, some kind of biological weapon or radiation from the nuclear fallout after a war. That could make anything happen—maybe zombies, maybe giant ants!

The point is we should try and stop this from happening, but if it looks like we can’t, we should make preparations.  I don’t think we probably can stop it; that’s why we keep getting all these stories, and so we should prepare everything that people would need in that situation.  All those survivalist people that everyone makes fun of, people who build compounds or bunkers or whatever, and get lots of weapons and supplies—those people have the right idea! It just makes sense because there are a lot of things that could happen: a nuclear war, some kind of terrorist attack, or a natural disaster.  Look at what happened after Hurricane Katrina.  No one was ready and then they all ended up in a football stadium with no food or water and that would be a terrible place to be if it was zombies because you’d be trapped in there with them.

I just think everybody should be preparing themselves.  If the people who don’t believe it think you’re crazy for doing it, so what? Yes, I have seen proof that is going to happen, that it’s already happening.  What if it doesn’t happen exactly like in the movies? It might not look exactly like it does in the movies, but we have to realize that and recognize it when it is happening.  Take, for instance, all that talk about the ninety-nine percent a few years ago and there were all those tent cities popping up in different places and there were people marching through the streets in big mobs.  It’s just like what happens in a zombie movie! Ninety-nine percent of the population is wiped out, and then they roam the streets in herds.

The people in the streets, living in their own filth, becoming less and less like human beings.  They lurk there, scavenging, wanting something from us so that they can live.  Sure, right now they are just asking you for money for food, but if they don’t get it, how long would it be before they turn into cannibals? The ones that want drugs, they attack people, kill, steal, whatever; maybe it’s some kind of drug that will turn people into zombies, some kind of really bad drug that kills everybody.  The ones that scream at people who aren’t there, or babble incoherently, or just stare into space—that’s not fully human behavior.  I’m saying it’s only a matter of time.  Maybe this is how it starts.  Maybe it’s already started.  Maybe people don’t have to die first in order to become zombies.

Every time you leave the house it’s like an obstacle course, freaks, and psychos in every doorway or on the corner.  You never open your door—or any door—without first knowing what’s on the other side.  It could be robbers.  It could be rapists.  It could be neighbors.  It may already be too late to stop it.  We just have to survive.  The Apocalypse is already here.

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